Okay everyone...well it's time to break everything down.

Let's first start with school. School has actually been going pretty well. I am progressing in all of my classes and this semesters gpa is going to be killer compared to lasts. I honestly don't think I worked harder this semester...or maybe I did. I do know that I was alot more interested in the things that my teacher talked about. Other than that....things at school are okay. I mean I don't really spend time at school unless I have to go to class, so other than that I am at home(in my dorm). And being in my dorm is crazy. Understand that I have cleaned this place from head to toe. Yet, I still have mice in my room. And when the exterminator comes all that sucker can do is put down some sticky paper. What a load of crap. I have seen the mice run right over that thing before. And then they have the nerve to want to kick us out the dorm. Now I have to find somewhere to live after the semester is over...in one month. Wish me luck...cuz that is going to be hell with no savings and no job.

Now on to the good stuff...or should I say the bad stuff. Me and my boyfriend of 3 months are really going through it. We have been through some stuff that alot of people couldn't handle. And yet I am still here. I care about him alot and I don't want to give up on the relationship. But Iam not sure where it's headed. On good days we laugh and talk  and hug and do all that good stuff. But on bad days it turns into bad weeks and we argue non-stop. I mean the main issue in the relationship is that he ahs no trust in me. And I am tired of  in efforts of trying to get it into his skull that he can trust me. He has blatently told me that his issues arrive from the way that his ex's have treated him. And I can understand a bit of a guard being up, because I have been through the same thing. But how can we expect to proceed from this point if he won't let go of the past. I mean I go to church and it's "Who'd you go to church with?" I'm sitting there like  are you serious? And I won't lie...in turn I do the same thing by asking him things. But I do it for two reasons. One because of that saying of how you know your man is cheating when he accuses you of doing the same thing. And two,  he has started acting suspicious. For instance, he works in the evenings and usually I talk to him a couple of times when he's at work. Well come to find out...he has some chic coming to see hime everynight while he's at work. The girl is supposed to be his friends girlfriend and she passes by on her way back from taking his friend to work. But after she drops him off she comes back and talks to him every night. And my boyfriend just completely forgot to tell me that this is how he spends his night. I thought that wasn't right. But okay...maybe I read too much into it. But then all of a sudden he starts keeping his phone off whenever he comes over to see me. So I  be having a  thinking about the stuff we're going through. And although I want to be with this man... I don't know what to do. I've thought about leaving but I can't make myself walk away...and I'm just not sure I'm ready for it. I mean I think about the fact that I'm here in Philly all by myself, and I cringe at the thought of being alone again. But the headaches....are they worth it? Oh and did I mention he never wants to talk about our problems. It's always...don't worry about it or it's not important. It makes me  sometimes. And Lord knows I'm tired of crying....I'm just stuck. I have no idea what the nect move is for us. And although he tells me he wants this relationship, I don't see him making the moves to implement the change in our relationship. I refuse to be the only on doing the work......

Oh and my mother is going through one of her lonely depressing phases and wants me to come home. She doesn't understnad that it is a whole process to move to another school, transfer credits, etc. And I don't know how else to explain it to her.

As you can see stuff is crazy....